Wedneday 9th October (2002)

Little sleep since 2.30 but we have to get up early today. Feeling very shaky - totter downstairs and freshen up in the shower. Jay makes some vanilla tea but I can't eat a thing.

We drive to Belval (We have friends here, who were away when we arrived in France. I didn't write in the diary exactly how we arranged to go there and can't remember.) discussing options and feelings. Maybe I've calmed down a bit now but am not optimistic. Jay is talking about going to see agents in Norwich about renting.

Hubert (our friend's brother who lives next door) opens the door at Belval, holding onto Yaris's collar. Hasty goodbyes with Jay and I go in the house. Did we say goodbye properly? - I remember a quick hug and a promise to ring this evening.

Conversaton with Hubert is strained, although we both try to keep it going. At last he says he must go home and will I undo the door when Marie and Michel get  back. I dash to the loo and miss their ring at the doorbell but Yaris is barking. We greet each other and then I try to explain the situation in very simple French.

'Did you realise that Ralph and I have had problems?

'Not at all'

'Well, he has always been jealous of CC and Jay . . . .

Amazingly, they understand readily and are most sympathetic. They volunteer lots of help and telephone their Notaire for advice. He agrees to come round at one o'clock. We have an early lunch - tomato salad, confit du canard, cheese and apple tart - and he arrives before the coffee.

Michel and Marie explain the situation in rapid French. The Notaire is most helpful. He thinks he has a suitable house in Charleville and others in two nearby villages. This makes me feel much more optimistic.

9.50p.m.

Found a house!

Marie and Michel have been fantastic. They arranged a visit to one of the village houses and took me to see it. It is BIG and there are two steps at the entrance but that should be OK with a ramp. The decor could do with a bit of work but it's clean. There's a big lounge, a reasonable kitchen and a bedroom/study plus accessible toilet and bathroom on the ground floor and three bedrooms upstairs - separated by a huge loft, complete with linen line. The stairs are variable as far as safety is concerned and those going down to the cellar are particularly hazardous!

There's a small garden and two garages. The village itself is very pleasant and there are plenty of shops, a doctor's surgery and even a hairdresser. Marie has put a '5 day option' on it for us.

Michel took me to see  the house in Charleville. It is directly opposite Match (a supermarket)  and on a very busy road. However, the Notaire promised us the keys to visit it at 9 o'clock tomorrow so we're going out of politeness, and, as Marie put it, to make sure there are no regrets.

We came to the conclusion that it would be better for me to stay with Marie and Michel than with Claudine and J.Y in Charleville so we went to explain them and ask J.Y to sign the papers for the bank. It was embarrassing because he was  expecting me to stay and was cooking dinner. Oh dear! Hope he wasn't too offended. (It was good of them to say I could have their daughter's room during the week but as no-one is at home till late each evening and there was no offer of a spare key, I'd have to occupy myself in town till they got home.)

Tuesday 8th october 2002

Jay has a five mile jog but I stay in the house for a more leisurely start to the day. Buy new matches at the local shop and some eggs to boil for breakfast.

The drive to Charleville is a bit busier than yesterday probably because it's market day, but as we come to the carpark someone pulls out so we are lucky to get a space.

Visit several estate Agents and two Huissiers (A kind of cross between a solicitor and a bailiff. They can let and manage houses but are not 'qualified' to sell them.) and the bank to open an account. We are told we have to use J.Y.'s addess and ask him to fill in some forms and produce a copy of his Carte d'Identite and a utility bill. Won't see him till Wednesday evening so make an appointment for Thursday 10a.m.

The two hour lunch break seems like an eternity. We have coffee and mineral water in a bar and then I buy a slice of Tarte aux Myrtilles (blueberries) and scoff it in the car.

There are lots of people chasing a small number of houses to rent and so long waits at Huissiers' offices. In desperation we pick out two likely looking properties and ask if they are accessible for disabled people. The girl shrugs and suggests we go and look at the outside first. She photocopies the details and off we go.

The one in Rue Lapic is cheaper - 445euros - so we go there first. Quiet area, pleasant enough road but the house is blessed with four steep steps. So, off to property number two - Chaussée de Sedan.

A large, imposing house and NO steps. Off we go to get the keys, leaving my passport and 20 euros as hostage at the Huissiers. The traffic is terrible going back via the 'direct ' route, mainly because they are painting the zebra crossings and digging up the road but here we are - good parking but directly opposite the ralway line!

I struggle to unlock the doot but Jay manages to open it and we are greeted by the sight of a man. Once over our mutual surprise, he turns out to be the owner and shows us round. The ground floor has four huge rooms, a kind of utility room and a toilet with a very narrow door.

Upstairs are four more big rooms, one with an ensuite bathroom, but the kitchen is small and disappointing. It has a sink unit, a gaspipe, lots of electrical sockets and nothing else, except for a most inconvenient pipe sticking out of the floor in one corner.

Then he shows us the attic, (four more 'rooms'), the cellar, which goes on and on, and the garden - a wild and wooded 2000 square metres - accessible via a balcony and STEPS!!! Still, it would be far too rough to push a wheelchair round through that jungle of weeds and trees. At least, we wouldn't have to worry about doing any gardening.

It's lovely apart from

1) The kitchen - or lack of it.

2) The downstairs loo - rather narrow for a commode on wheels.

3)The RENT 990euros.

We go back with mixed feelings of elation and disappointment but I say we're interested and will be in touch when we give back the keys and retrieve my passport and deposit.

On the drive back to Chooz the mood becomes less optimistic.

Can we really afford it? Yes, at a pinch.

What about the loo? Even if we take off the door it's not going to be wide enough.

The kitchen? Well, huge let down, but we could manage with a cooker, fridge-freezer and a table.

We really didn't think it would be so difficult to find anywhere. Jay is due to go back to England tomorrow and return with the furniture on Sunday.

What alternatives do we have?

Plan A - take house and move in on Sunday

Plan B - I'll keep looking, bring furniture over in hopes and resort to storage if necessary.

Plan C - rent somewhere in England until we find a place here.

Arrive at Chooz rather depressed. Jay cooks some crevettes but they are awful.

He makes a spaghetti Milanese but my stomach is tying itself in knots. I can't do it justice and end up admitting to feeling queasy.

Phone CC and use up an awful lt of units. Gerard knocks on the cabine (phonebox) and tells me to ring J.Y. (I'd arranged to stay with them in Charleville once Jay went back to England as I couldn't househunt from Chooz, 40 miles away)

It seems no-one will be home till after 8p.m. tomorrow so I'll have to wander round on my own till then. Great! Tell Claudine about the house we saw - she says 'take it - there's not much choice at the moment'.

Ring the Bear - briefly. Say I'm feeling sick and so get away with a short call. (At this stage I still haven't  told him I have left him.)

Actually, I'm feeling really sick now - yuk! Awful evening - try to drink a weak cup of herbal tea and so to bed.

A ghastly night full of panic attacks, butterflies and deep despair, not to mention nightmares involving toilets, tape measures and kitchens.

Monday 7th october (2002)

Church clock starts chiming again at 6. (Many clocks in France chime each hour TWICE. The one at Chooz used to continue all through the night - quarter hours too - but after complaints it was silenced between the hours of 11 and 6) The school bus leaves at 7 to take the older children to Charleville and at 8.30 the square fills with cars as and pedestrians as parents bring the younger ones to the local school.

Jay goes for a run but I have a leisurely shower and then walk across to the shop for some toothpaste, biscuits and yoghurt. When Jay gets back we have a bowl of vanilla tea - water boiled in a saucepan as no kettle, and difficulty lighting gas with damp matches - and go into Givet.

We wander round the small town refreshing our memories of the quaint little streets, the river and the imposing Fort on the hilltop, do essential shoppng at the supermarket and check out train times to Charleville. They are not convenient so we go by car.

Re-explore Charleville, try lots of bars for coffee and go for a walk by the river before climbing the steep roads of Mt. Olympe. We have to kill time before we can go and see Claudine and J.Y. because they don't get home till 8. They have lots of info but we are both rather too tired to take it all in. Leave about 9.30 armed with lots of papers and a long list of things to do tomorrow.