The Bear has always managed to spoil my birthdays. For my fiftieth I would have liked to have hired the village hall and invited lots of friends. One friend was involved in catering and would have offered a good deal and another friend was keen to combine efforts as it was her mother's birthday as well. But, it was not to be, the Bear decided it was too much fuss and expense (and I had been hoping he'd make a contribution!) so in the end Jay and I cooked at home for about twenty people. We made a selection of curries with all the trimmings and it was a great evening but we did have all the clearing up to do afterwards.

When my sixtieth loomed, we were in France, and I was looking forward to doing something special. But, the Bear was offered the 20th November (a week before my birthday), as well as later dates, to have his knee done, and he eagerly accepted - despite having assured one of our friends that he was arranging a 'surprise party' together with CC and Jay. They knew nothing about it, of course, so it really would have been a surprise!!!

As it was, it was very difficult to make plans because we didn't know whether he would still be in hospital or not. We were kind of hoping he'd still be 'in' and he was. But when I went to visit him on the day, he was as miserable as sin, and didn't even wish me a happy birthday, let alone ask me what we were doing to celebrate. I was kind of glad that because of his unstable diabetes he was not allowed to have a piece of cake.

For the last couple of months I have been wondering how to get out of going away with the Bear for my birthday this year.

I'm pretty sure his main motivation for such an invitation was to get me away from home so that I couldn't invite friends and let Jay do a meal. If our last weekend 'a deux' (for our twentieth wedding anniversary) is anything to go by, it would be anything but a romantic or even pleasant experience.

Today, while having lunch in town, I finally plucked up the courage to say that I'd rather stay at home because neither of us is fully fit and when you are hobbling about there's no place like your own living room and a warm fire. Bear was not happy - even though I suspect he privately felt relieved - and said, rather grumpily, 'Well we'll have lunch again here then.'

Later, he asked if I was going to order a birthday cake and I said funds were a bit low until 'payday' so I'd rather wait. However, when we went to buy the bread he insisted that I put in the order and he would pay - but not for a cake to take home for the evening - oh no, he wants to take it to the café at lunchtime and share it with the waitresses.

If we invite a few friends for the evening I'll be making my own cake - or perhaps some other dessert - because I can't compete with the gorgeously light cakes you can buy in French patisseries.

The Bear can be generous in his way but he never gives the impression that its a pleasure for him to offer a present. In fact, most birthdays and Christmasses pass with little or nothing from him to me. It used to make me cry but I'm hardened to it now.

One thing I do know: Jay will make an effort to see that my birthday is special, Bear will be jealous and he'll make a fuss about it sooner or later.