We definitely need another toilet downstairs. Every morning I feel as though I'm doing a juggling act with the Bear and the Whale. The Whale always stays in there for ages so I try to persuade the Bear to go first but he isn't always awake. Then the dilemma is 'do I let sleeping bears lie' or do I risk waking him with a cup of coffee before asking him to go to the loo first? The problem is that he knows the Whale needs to go urgently some mornings but takes his time going himself. BUT, if I leave him snoring he will wake up while the Whale is ensconced and moan because I didn't warn him.

Things came to a head - or a bottom - yesterday when the Whale had an enema (twice weekly event) causing the inevitable mess all over the place - a mixture of the obvious plus the foul smelling chemical they call Normacol - which requires a thorough cleaning of toilet with neat bleach and about half a kitchen roll!

The Bear always complains audibly that he doesn't like me clearing up HIS mess and so embarrasses the poor Whale no end. Unfortunately there are times when the Normacol has a 'second working' so to speak, and the Whale, who does not have full sensation and not a lot of control, doesn't always realise till it's too late. This means that he has quite a few false alarms because he is terribly worried about 'having an accident' and so I wasn't too bothered when he asked me to get the loo ready a second time. 'OK' I said, 'but don't you go messing up my clean toilet!'

Half an hour later I regretted that remark bacause there were sighs and swearings emanating from the smallest room and when I investigated he had to have a change of clothes.

The worst was that the Bear got wind of this and started complaining loudly and the poor Whale ended up sobbing. It is a very strange experience trying to comfort one's ex-husband at the same time as carrying on an argument with one's husband . . . . .