When we first came to France, one of the things the Whale really wanted to have was British telly. My French friends took me to see their favourite television dealer where I bought a new set but he shook his head when I asked about receiving BBC etc.and sent us on to another shop. There, the owner insisted that it was not possible to get the channels I wanted and persuaded me to subscribe to TPS, which had six English channels.

There was a special offer which provided the satellite dish for free - although the fitting cost about 100 euros - but you had to 'sign up' for a minimum of two years. Well, call me fussy, but the available programmes were awful: BBC Prime is mainly repeats - good, bad or indifferent - BBC World News is OK but you don't want to watch it all day, CNN, ditto, and the rest consisted of shopping or religious programmes!

We moved after finding a house to buy and  TPS moved with us by which time we were thoroughly sick of it. The chap who came to reposition the dish on the roof managed to break several tiles and it wasn't easy to find someone who was prepared to come and replace the six damaged ones. When the picture went all fuzzy we simply didn't bother any more.

Then, a few months after I had managed to cancel the subscription, I discovered 'French News', a paper for expats in France, and found loads of adverts for all BRITISH television channels. Of course, all the firms were in Brittany or the south but a few phone calls confirmed that it was perfectly possible to get the desired programmes.

So, I started asking other local television 'specialists' and the most helpful one turned out to be fairly near where we live. The man said he would ask his engineer and get back to me. Two weeks later I rang and was told they didn't think it would work unless we had a 150cm dish!!!

After speaking at length to an English chap in the Dordogne I managed to arrange for the local man to telephone him for advice. But did he? Not on your life! So, I tried the internet and, after several phonecalls, found a Frenchman about 100kms away who said he had installed British television successfully but  that we were out of his area. He, too, agreed to speak to the local people if they could be bothered to ring him - but they couldn't!

At last, I found an advert in French News that promised English satellite installations in ALL areas of France - even though they, too were situated way down south.

Bingo!!! - they were able to provide the decoder, a one off payment card for Channel 4 and ITV (by mail order) and an engineer about a 40 minute drive away. Within a week we were up and running.

Just one problem though - the wiring was in place for the main television in the livingroom where the Whale rarely comes (as he is 'frozen out' by the Bear) so he can only watch recordings - that's if his favourite programmes don't clash with the Bear's. . . . .

There is one consolation: it keeps the Bear occupied, out of my hair - and away from DIY.

Let's be thankful for small mercies.