It started when I asked the Bear if he would mind if I went to Paris with Jay to meet CC at the airport. I had waited until we were out of the house (going to the post office) before broaching the subject and by the time we got back he was in full swing.
He walked in shouting all the usual arguments: 'you never go anywhere with me but he only has to click his fingers' ; 'I'll never forget how you connived to walk out on me' etc., but, once indoors, he started shouting nasty things about the Whale: 'He should be in a home' ; 'He is the cause of all the stress in this house' - and so on in similar vein until the poor Whale wheeled himself out of his bedroom to defend himself. He did this very well by, first of all proving that he could command even more decibels than the Bear, then dropping his voice so that Bear was forced to shut up and listen, and this, in essence, is what he said:
'When your family comes to stay we are all very polite and pleasant to them. Is it asking too much for you to be civil to us? You and I rarely converse but we do have some things in common, for example trains and history, and we both believe enough to pray. I would like to tell you that ever since I heard that one of your daughters was unwell, I have prayed every night for her recovery.'
Well, THAT took the wind out of Bear's sails but it didn't prevent him from complaining about some of Whale's little habits like leaving the toilet roll the 'other' way round and not putting his 'booster seat' firmly on the floor. That led to pushing him into the loo to demonstrate where everything should be. Whale responded quietly that all he had to do was ask.
I tried to chip in that I wished we could 'cure' some of Bear's bad habits as easily but he snorted at me to shut up - I wasn't part of this conversation - and I left them having a serious discussion about Victorian England.
A few minutes later Jay came in and immediately realised that something had happened so I went upstairs and explained. Of course, he was cross but we thought it best to let sleeping dogs lie. . . . . .
The Whale didn't mind being at Bear's tender mercies for a few hours the next day so I went to Paris with Jay.
Explosion Number Two
CC and Jay thought it would be nice to invite a couple of French friends (their own age) to dinner one evening. Invitations were given and accepted, the menu was planned (Jay would be cooking) and all I had to do was tell the Bear!!
I chose a moment when he seemed in a fairly quiet mood and then told him. Of course, he objected and started by saying he wouldn't eat with us. Then he realised that he knew the two girls in question, and what's more, liked them. He was forced to climb down but then insisted that he would show his disapproval of anything CC and Jay said or did by 'pulling his ear'. What a prat!!!!
Towards the end of CC's stay, two more of our retired friends came to stay.
Bear lost no time in running down my son and daughter to each of them in turn and I had to explain that one can't believe all that he says because it is highly coloured with his own imagination. (Most of our friends are well aware of the difficult situation, but, frankly, you need to live with it to fully understand).
Explosion Number Three
One evening, when we went out for a meal - without the Whale because Bear refuses to eat at the same table - we came home for coffee and digestives while Jay and CC cleared away and washed up after the meal they had prepared. They were having an early night because they were leaving the next morning and so came to say goodnight and goodbye.
Bear had been muttering insults under his breath but when I clearly heard a loud stage whisper saying, 'That's right, go away and don't come back', I'm afraid I snapped. Immediately, I regretted drawing attention to his bad manners by not being able to control my own feelings in front of guests.
It led to a pretty gruesome free for all but, fortunately, the kids decided to stay out of it and went upstairs. Both of our friends were aware of the problems in our household as they have known us for years but it's not pleasant to air dirty in linen in front guests. One of them reminded him that he chose to come to France to 'help' me but, in fact, he doesn't lift a finger. She also talked about the crocodile tears he shed down the phone when I walked out and explained that saying you love someone doesn't mean much unless the actions match the words
The advice she gave was that it's not working, therefore the Bear ought to look for a house and think about living on his own.
The other friend was the widower of my very dear friend who died last Easter. He could only say that we should make the most of what time we had left together. But he was talking from his experience of being part of a devoted couple . . . . . . . . .
