The Carte Vitale is a very precious green card, the size of a credit card, essential for medical cover in France. Once you have one you use it for visiting the doctor, chemist or hospital and, if you are lucky, it results in automatic reimboursement,(as opposed to filling in a form and sending it off to the Social Security office - where it might get lost - for them to pay you back -eventually.

Since Jay is now officially resident in France we have been trying since last September to acquire a Carte Vitale for him. We filled in the required forms, provided proof of residence, photocopy of Birth Certificate and passport,  copies of past salary slips, a signed form saying he was dependent on his father and a letter saying that he had paid his taxes for 2004 and took our place in the queue at the CPAM (Social Security Office). When it was our turn we deposited all the papers on the lady's desk and she rifled through them suspiciously but all appeared to be in order and she gathered them up as we took our leave.

A month later, we had a letter asking for a copy of his Birth Certificate! I rang them and explained that they already had it but they insisted on having another. So we took one to the office personally. The lady behind the desk didn't seem to know why we had to produce this second copy but she took it anyway.

Another wait and still no card so my friend, Elisabeth, phoned on my behalf saying that I was having sleepless nights thinking of my poor son out there with no medical cover. I don't know what else she said but a Carte Vitale arrived a few days later.

At the end of November we had occasion to go to the office again to ask for CMU (which would provide 100% reimboursement instead of the usual 70%) as Jay is now in receipt of RMI (a kind of unemployment benefit). As soon as she saw the RMI slip the lady said he should have his own file now, rather than be covered by his dad's insurance. She confiscated the precious Carte Vitale and said he would be getting another one with his own number.

Another wait - no card. Jay needed to see a dermatologist because of a verruca which has been troubling him for over a year so I rang to ask if he could be reimboursed. The girl I spoke to said there would be no problem and even gave me his new number. Seeing a specialist means that you must have a letter from your Medecin Traitant (GP) and so I rang again to check that his form for choosing a doctor had been received. This time, the girl I spoke to insisted that she had no record of any medical insurance for Jay! I explained that they were in the process of creating his own file and she said in that case his 'dossier' would be 'blocked'. Great!!!

I tried the following day and spoke to someone else who admitted she didn't know what was going on (Wow! They usually make it up as they go along) and said someone would ring me back. I missed the call but found a message  on the answerphone saying there would be no new 'dossier'; Jay would remain on his father's insurance.

Two days later the CMU form was returned and stuck to it was the OLD carte vitale. There was also a letter exxplaining what I had been told over the phone and asking for details of Jay's dependents. I rang to say there weren't any and it was explained to me that the CMU was now in place. All I had to do was update the card. This is done at the chemist's. You pop the card in a machine a bit like a cross between a parking meter and a cash dispenser and the computer does the rest. According to the chemist the 100% cover was now operational.

We went to the dermatologist's and the card worked. He explained that laser treatment would be necessary. This, being rather expensive, needed special permission from the CPAM and so he gave us a form to fill in and take or send to them.

It seemed safer to go in person in case there was an error in our form-filling which would result in waiting for ages and then doing it all again. As soon as she saw from the Carte Vitale that Jay was on CMU the lady behind the desk proclained that he should have his own 'dossier'. Help! We'd been there before. I tried to explain what had already happened but she looked down her nose at me and said she would have to phone for clarification. Could I remember the name of the person who had written to that effect? All I could remember was Regis, but not his surname. I heard her ask if there were many 'Regis's and she was relieved to find there was only one. It seemed he explained it all to her at great length and, finally I heard her say, 'Well, I've learned something new.' before hanging up with a pout. 

Finally, she turned back to us and took the 'permission for expensive treatment' form. I asked how long we would have to wait for a reply and whether it would come to us or go to the doctor. 'You will only be told if it is refused'. she said, 'Otherwise, if you hear nothing in three weeks, go ahead.' It looked as though Jay was well and truly in the system at last.

Then, today, we had a letter asking for an E121 for the Whale so that Jay's cover could be arranged.

That's France for you.