Sablonneuse at 45 was not a particularly happy bunny.

My marriage to Bear was strained - the shine had definitely worn off - and I was feeling decidedly miserable inside although I did my best to put on a cheerful face.

One of the main problems was Bear's attitude towards my kids. He made them feel most unwelcome in 'his' house and eventually, CC had had enough. She decided she would rather live with her dad, Whale. Less than  a year later, Jay joined her.

It broke my heart, but I could understand how they felt. Also, as   teenagers, they wanted lifts into Norwich to go out with their friends and that's something I couldn't (and probably wouldn't if I could) have done because school meant a very early start each morning.

Whale, who worked at a University seemed to keep his own hours and was therefore on call no matter how late at night to fetch and carry CC  and Jay- and provide a taxi service for their friends.

Of course, they would come and have meals once or twice a week with me but their bedrooms remained empty.

Bear wasted no time in transforming CC's room into a study. Some years later I was to move into Jay's room.

But life wasn't all doom and gloom. I had some close friends in whom I could confide, I enjoyed my job and I discovered little ways of manipulating Bear to 'get my own way' if it were really important.

For example I quietly insisted that the children and my Mum came for Sunday lunch nearly every week. Bear complained occasionally but I ignored him - and it worked!

On the other hand, when I tried to persuade him to allow Mum to have a bungalow built on part of our garden I was less successful but he did agree to sell the plot some years later and I finally replaced the kitchen I'd been forced to live with ever since moving in.

We spent most school holidays in France, often house sitting for friends and it began to feel more like home  to me than our actual house. We talked about retiring to France but Bear seemed more enthusiastic when we were with friends than when we were back at home.

I began to realise that he would probably never leave that house even though he knew I was unhappy there.